The fight is everyday for some

My fight is everyday, some worse than others, but everyday I'm fighting with myself some way or another. I'm so tired of having to push those irrational or intrusive thoughts out of my head, why are my thought processes often so injurious? Why am I unable to accept things at face value? Why must I analyse and question almost everything? I was already flawed but by accepting love given to me through toxicity, I'm now a shadow of my former self. Trying to rebuild myself and conquer the thoughts of distrust and self doubt all the time. This battle is long term, most days I'm ready and willing to fight, but today is one of the days that I just want it to end. I just want to be away, to sleep or run away, but how can you run away from yourself?